Maybe not wiser, but more experienced.

Hi everyone!
After a while of not posting Journals (mostly because, looking back, they were EXTREMELY whiny), I've decided to write a little something. In case anyone was wondering how I was doing. And now that I'm turning 28 and closing in on the dreaded thirties, why not?
In the two years that have passed since the last time I wrote, I went through... stuff. I wouldn't say that it's been a lot, since there are others that have it far worse than my fairly shelthered and relatively easy life, but... well, I went through some shit. I lost both grandfathers, I lost one of my two physical friends, I've noticed things that I was too naive or oblivious to notice in the people around me, I dropped out of school, and I found it all actually very humbling. I came to realize how loved I am, if nothing else, by my family, and while I still think I haven't earned a drop of that love, at least now I'm trying to be worthy of it.
For that matter, I still have cripplingly low self-esteem, I'm still very socially awkward and I'm probably more scared of women than I've ever been. But life isn't all that bad. I no longer have the thoughts of ending my life as I occasionally had. I've come to think of life as a very precious thing that should be enjoyed to its fullest, with the bad days and the bright ones, the moments of wrath, sadness, angst, joy, love, and silliness. While I still complain a lot, and about a lot of very petty things, in these years I have gained a bit of insight, and I realize they are petty reasons to be complaining. So I try to complain a little bit less, be more tolerant, be more helpful. It may not be a big difference yet, but I've also realized that expecting huge changes is an excellent way to drain yourself of all willpower. Just take baby steps, put one feet before the other, even if it's not a big difference, it's still something that starts changing the way you live.
As of now, I'm trying to get my shit back together, I've re-enrolled in college, I'm asking for (and taking, in the next weeks) professional help, and... I think it's working. I'm still a very messy human being, but I'm trying to polish those rough edges. And I know I'm not alone. Even if all of the previous text sounds like I'm being whiny and complaining, I assure you I'm not. All of what happened was either the result of my own actions or caused by circumstances way beyond my control. Assuming that led me to believe that the one thing I can control is how I react. I can choose to be mopey and sad and lazy or... I can choose to do something to fix it, or do nothing and keep going, whichever fits better the case. And...  I've made my choice.
I have a lot of people outside the web to thank for that, but also I want to thank all of you for sticking around. Those who read and take the time to post a comment, those who just read, those who don't care about the journals and just are here for the drawings. All of you. You are wonderful and have played a part in making me the person that I am. I am not done yet, but I believe I can be better. I believe I am getting better. And you deserve to be thanked for your part in it.
And... while I may not be the most reliable person, none of you are alone, either.